Someone in a private FB group I am involved in posted this picture. I laughed and thought, “This is exactly how I feel!” So, I am bringing you a little humor today because even though I have talked a lot about mindset and weightloss in my journey here, it isn’t about weight loss for me anymore as much as it is life circumstances and trying to staying consistent with my fitness in the midst of difficulties! This picture is a great depiction and has literally been my life this year!
Trust me when I tell you that some days are hard. Some people think it’s easy once you hit your goal. Not always so. When life hits hard and in a way you don’t expect, you can get tested in ways you may not expect. You find out who you really are and what you have learned. You also may learn something new about yourself.
It’s been a few months since I have had time to blog much but today is a day I am taking a break from all things “medical”. It is a delicate balance and I often need to get away from it all. I am up early. I will have a workout with my kickboxing coach, I will take a few slow walks to enjoy the outdoors, I will clean my house because it makes me feel good, and cook some good food. But guess what? If none of that happens, it is A-Ok! It’s just my plan (just like in the picture). I always start with my daily plan but these days, I have had a few times I was lucky if my teeth got brushed before noon! Anyone been there?
The last 3 years have been a roller coaster. I lost 70 some pounds. I hit a huge goal. When crisis hit last year hard, I regained 10 pounds in the midst when my exercise had to stop in order for me to care for our daughter. I ate healthy but forgot to take into account calorically that someone who exercises 5-6 days a week intensely with weight training and kickboxing is NOT the same as when you are not expending that kind of energy. Fat came on fast. I spent 3 months taking it back off last January 2023. The bottom picture was last year.
Life is still equally as hard, but I will not make the same mistakes or sacrifice my own health in the middle of any crisis that demands my attention and that I be at my best. This is a picture of last year vs this year, BUT I am at the SAME weight. Consistency with weightlifting has continued to add muscle to this old girl and change my body for the better. I turn 57 in a few weeks.
Lessons Learned
What have I learned and been learning in the middle of all that is happening in my life? What am I learning about myself during this ongoing health crisis with our daughter for 3 years now and what it means to be a full time caregiver to my once unstoppable child who is now suffering beyond belief as we look for answers? First, I have learned a new level of tenacity as I advocate for her. I have learned to listen and trust my intuition and hers. But as it relates to my daily life on a more basic level, I have learned that emotions are tricky. Depression is tricky. Both are powerful forces that some days require EVERY tool in the toolbox to manage and you need to have good tools and good support. If you don’t, you better get both. They are essential.
I am not erratic in my emotions. Most days are the same for me. I am not “moody”. I am a “get it done” type A. Life this year has taught me supreme flexibility, tenderness, patience, and perspective for all things not understood. It has taught me to stay curious, stay open, and when overwhelmed, stay very basic.
How to “Stay Ready” – Emotions & Food, the Reality!
I don’t usually struggle with emotions and food. What led to my metabolic demise was eating the wrong stuff for most of my life and a complete lack of understanding about nutrition and metabolism. My first encounter with emotions and food was when I lost my father in my 20’s. This kind of grief was unfamiliar to me. It hit me hard. I didn’t eat for days. During my internet keto days in 2018 when I put my daughter on a plane to Germany for her senior year on exchange, depression hit me hard and driven by this emotion after broccoli and salad made me sick to my stomach, I sadly spent 3 days comforting myself with food. I didn’t feel better – no surprise there. That was about 5 years ago. I never did that again.
My current state when my nerves are shot is that I have days I don’t want to eat at all. I always hear Dr. Westman’s voice in my head “to eat a little protein” every day, so I do. After 3 years keto and low carb, I have learned by now how to make nutritious food appealing and “comforting” and what “comfort food” is to me now, like ribeye or flavorful and tender stewed chicken. Food that tastes good and feels good to my body. (You can find out more about Dr. Westman and his Keto Made Simple Masterclass on my Resources page here.)
I have other days I feel an absolutely ridiculous urge to stress eat all day – and I don’t mean for salad! LOL I don’t give in. I just stay prepared and stay aware. I always have easy and quick to grab food available and DO NOT have food in my house that does not serve me well or requires wasteful energy I don’t have to spend on resisting said foods. It’s a costly mental drain I don’t want or need. It never helps. I stay keenly and ever aware of these emotional drivers that I am not typically familiar with. I don’t deny their existence or avoid them (because I think feeling them and dealing with them is important), I simply don’t let THEM drive or get behind the steering wheel.
Having spent a year working on my emotional and spiritual self and losing all the weight, then another year chipping away every single day working on my fitness and physique goals, it has all brought some amazing growth and perspective to my challenges this year.
Stay Sticky!
That’s all great. But, what do you do when you feel like you don’t have it in you to chip away anymore? When all your energy is focused and spent on the demands that are necessary? When you had time and energy for a myriad of things but suddenly your world becomes very small? When you feel like everyone is depending on you because you are the GLUE! What do you do??? You just learn to stay sticky!!! You remember this is temporary. It had a beginning and it will have an end. You won’t be here forever. You remember that self care is important. You give yourself grace to get through the day. Sleep when you need sleep, unplug when you need to unplug, eat when you’re hungry, and don’t eat when you are not. Choose nutritious food that serves your body and keeps you feeling good physically AND emotionally because the last thing you need is negative thoughts beating you down because you chose to abandon what you’ve learned or worse yet, you regain the weight you’ve worked so hard to get rid of! Trust me, fat comes on fast and takes forever to get off! Been there, done that, NOT doing it again. None of it is easy.
As I soldier through this situation with our daughter, meet with many doctors and now currently neurosurgeons, continue to gain my own understanding of chronic illness and now structural issues we have discovered with her neck and back, I hold myself together as best I can. Some days it feels like weathering a hurricane and other days I have moments I am standing in the peace and beauty of the eye of the same storm.
In it all, I remain consistent. Every day I get up and check in with myself. Every day I have an intention. I don’t have energy or time for being focused on much. Most everything is simply automatic pilot for now. I am surely grateful that my “automatic pilot” is a healthier, wiser, and stronger one than what existed when I came to KMS1, but that will be a later post.
I hope today finds you well. In the battles we face from day to day…whether it’s sticking to our list, keeping to our health goals and conquering our addiction to food or anything else, managing the stress of raising little (or older) ones, getting through our day at the office without hitting the vending machine or stuff in the break room, getting to the gym, caring for an elderly parent or someone else who depends on you, or simply getting out of bed to face another day and actually opening the curtains (yes, this has been me a few days), I just want to say…
Stay Ready!
0 Comments